Becoming the Unfamiliar
by dancingintheraintonight
Summary: The pasta party was not going to fix their broken family. Spencer had already sent in his transfer papers.
1. Chapter 1

_For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.- Ralph Waldo Emerson_

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><p>The pasta party was not going to fix everything.<p>

Spencer knew it. Hotch knew it.

Hotch had received his transfer papers.

To Spencer it wasn't really his choice anyway.

FBI  
>CIA<p>

Interpol

The president…

Everyone wanted him for something

It didn't matter if Emily had come back or not.

He had been told of his transfer months before she had returned from the "dead".

They wondered why he was in the shooting range so much.

He couldn't tell them he was being relocated to god knows where and would need every advantage he could get.

After a talk with an impressed Strauss, the FBI director, and the head of national security they told him of his new role in the government.

He should have believed his mother when she told him the government would want to control him and use him for his brains.

But whatever, it's not like he had a choice in all of this.

When he found out about Emily he was furious with JJ.

Not Hotch or Emily.

They had to keep her alive.

But JJ… she took what little trust he had in humanity and murdered it with her perfectly manicured hand.

So yes, he was pissed.

But whatever, it's not like he could let his emotions control him anymore; there would be a person who would do it for him.

So yes, Spencer knew that a pasta party would not fix anything.

In reality all it would give him was closure.

In Rossi's kitchen he held back all his rage and slipped on his mask.

He laughed, said some statistics.

But most of all he observed.

He watched his former team and couldn't help but feel about leaving his team.

Scratch that, they weren't even a team; they were a family.

His first loving family.

So he ingrained every moment in to his brain so that he would never forget.

He reminisced about the flinging of noodles, Rossi and Morgan's inappropriate jokes, Hotch actually cracking a smile, Garcia flirting aimlessly with any male in the room, and Emily's smile.

God she was so happy, so complete.

It was too bad he was about to tear apart his mending family.

But it must be done.

It was late and he announced his leave.

He hugged Garcia and Emily tighter that he ever had before.

"I love you." he had whispered them with such love he no longer shared to the others.

They looked on shocked but they declared their love too.

They would never know how many times he recounted their words to remind him of what he was about to do.

He began to walk down the street to his pickup when he heard the sound of footsteps racing towards him.

He turned.

It was Hotch.

Of course it was.

"Good Luck. I don't know where you're going…but stay…safe." He choked out in a rare moment holding no walls around his steel persona.

It took everything not to break down.

"I'll try. Tell them….tell them I didn't want to go. Tell them that I'm sorry… that I'm not coming back…that I might never be able to…you make sure they are safe promise them to move on, to never forget…I'll try to come home alive." Spencer replied straggling.

Hotch burst out into tears.

Spencer put his arms around his.

One like father and son.

"I've got to go…but I want you to know…you have always been like a father to me, and I want you to know how much you mean to me." He said suddenly looking at his watch.

"You make me proud to call you son. Be careful." Hotch replied with such intensity and emotion.

All he could do was nod.

With a small wave he made his way to three streets over where he was met with a UPS moving truck.

He pulled the back open and got in.

Four pairs of eyes met his.

"Well let's get this over with. Make me into Tristan Riley Jenkins."

They did.

No longer was he Doctor Spencer Reid.

That life was over and done with.

He wished with all his heart that one day…one day when all of this madness was over…he could return…and if he did…that his family would forgive him for everything he was about to do.

But whatever, it's not like he has a choice. He's just following the president's orders.

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><p>This may be a one-shot. If you guys want this to be more than that tell me.<p>

Anyways, hope you like it!


	2. Hotch

Beauty is ever to the lonely mind a shadow fleeting; she is never plain. She is a visitor who leaves behind the gift of grief, the souvenir of pain. **-Christopher Morley**

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><p>Hotch watches Reid walk down the street and turn the corner.<p>

He has a feeling that he isn't going home.

Spencer lived on the other side of town.

He won't admit it, but he cried himself to sleep.

Spencer was like a son to him…and now he had to let him go.

He wouldn't show anybody his emotions…but Spencer

He could always see through him.

There was a reason he was Jack's favorite uncle.

Jack would joke that Spencer was his older brother.

He didn't know where he's going this time.

It scared him.

He doesn't tell the team he left the unit just yet.

He waits till Monday.

Let them have one last weekend filled with assurance.

Hotch did not want to have to tell them all their efforts to make Spencer comfortable was worthless.

He was gone now.

Over the weekend he spent all his time with Jack.

Jack had been ignored for quite some time now.

It was time to change that.

He won't admit that he saw Jessica and Jack's faces light up when he announced it was father and son weekend _("no girls aloud Aunt Jessica!")_

For the first time in his life he felt how Haley must have felt every time he was on a case.

Was Spencer okay? Was he dead? Dying? Hurt? Injured?

It sucked.

And_ fuck it _he needed to know he was okay.

But he couldn't so he spent every hour of the day reminiscing about his magic tricks and statistics.

Jack asked about Uncle Spence.

He told him that he was being Superman saving the world, that he couldn't be here right now because someone found out his identity here.

Jack cried for _six _hours.

There was nothing he could do but watch old video tapes with Jack of previous holiday get-togethers that Haley always taped.

He pretended he didn't have to hold back his tears at the loss of a pseudo son.

When he came to the office that Monday he ordered the team to come into the conference room for a meeting.

That's when all hell broke loose.

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><p>Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone. His own burden in his own way.- <strong>Anne Morrow Lindbergh <strong>


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